Looking Back...And Moving Forward.

It's that time of year where you can't help but look back at where you've been for the last 365 days and make grand predictions about who you will be in the next year, what you will do, and what you won't do.  I mean, it's only natural that each year brings with it the opportunity for a "do over" and I'm thankful for that.  I love brand new starts with the same passion and intensity that I love clean sheets straight out of the dryer.  And that's a lot.  

In the last two weeks, I've spent a lot of time just enjoying the holiday season and my time with my parents and DW - first in Texas - and then now here in Alabama on our own stomping grounds. 

I'm especially thankful for one more year with this old man:   

If I was a comic book super hero, Tucker is the all-important sidekick and constant companion.  As in Batman and Robin.  Or if we are going with colors here, we go together like Salt and Pepper. Just saying.  13 years and 4 months ago, when I stopped my car to let the kids I was nannying play with a couple black lab puppies, I had NO idea that the one with the huge feet and oversized ears would sit quietly at the back of the play area while his brothers and sisters knawed each other's limbs off and would proceed to lock onto my eyes, willing me to take him home.  He wasn't playing with the others - even then he was King Tuck. 

While my parents have been here, we found the perfect couch for our "football" room as DW likes to call it. It's really the Den off of our kitchen but he likes to joke that its a perfect place to sit and watch TV and still be able to say to me, "Woman, bring me something to eat."   Uh huh.  Good thing he's so dang cute when he's being mischievous. 

Anyway, it was the last piece of furniture we needed to complete all the rooms in our house.  And DW is going to make me the coffee table (to scale for our room) that you see in front of the couch.  Woop!

And who better to end the year with than my sweet, beautiful Mom!  I finally convinced her to take a picture with me...another milestone for 2011.  ;-)

2011 has its fair share of ups and downs as any year does.  I started 2011 feeling absolutely broken after "surviving" another Christmas season without a child of our own.  But the Lord showed me, in the most unusual way, that He was (and is) faithful and He had not (and has not) forgotten me.  A month later I was in Australia and He showed me how life is filled with unimaginable opportunities and gifts that I would have missed out on had Life gone "according to plan".  In 2011, we finally made it Home to Birmingham after six years of hoping we would "one day" be able to get back here.  And speaking of Home, we bought our 1954 fixer upper dream house here.  We have had so much fun changing things and renovating and planning for "what's next".  

In 2011, the Lord began a long, long process of showing me that I desperately needed to learn what true forgiveness...HIS kind of forgiveness looked like.  It started with a study on Luke 7 and culminated in an event where I learned I am able to forgive as Christ forgives but ONLY by and through His grace and power.  It's still a choice every day and a discipline I'm working on.

I learned that I shouldn't try to always "make sense" of what I think He is doing on my terms.  And that the best place I can be is inside His will and "in the boat".     

In 2011, I learned that no matter how much I grow and change, I will always be my own worst critic. I've learned that others might not see life in the same way I do.  I realized that others might misunderstand my intentions and/or people won't always assume the best of me.  There will be people who won't like me.  My skin got a little thicker this year and I learned that I don't even need everyone to like me.  (shrugs shoulders)

I started...and actually finished...a Beth Moore Bible study.  It was both a personal and spiritual journey milestone.  I've never finished a guided study all the way through before on my own without accountability. 

At the beginning of 2011, I had high hopes that THIS YEAR would be the year that our life changed and we welcomed a baby (or at least a child of our own) into our lives - but that was not the case.  God did not give us a Yes or a No...we are still feeling our answer is currently a Not Yet.  It's been a long, long journey but we are not finished yet. 

It was this year that I truly fell in love with my Savior for who He is...not what He can do for me.  Although I didn't realize that was what I was doing before.  He is not God-on-Demand.  He is the Creator of the Universe and I had my role in the Universe sorely out of place.  While my life is important to me - and reasonably so - my life is not my own because I gave it to Him a long time ago. He will use it for His unique plans and for His ultimate glory.  I'm along for the ride...and so I will not put expectations on 2012.  I don't know if 2012 will be "THE YEAR" or not.  But what I do know is that He is good and what He does is good...and so the most joy, the most peace, the most contentment, will be found by trusting Him.  And WHEN He answers...I just want to make sure I remember where I came from.

It was this year, we went Gluten Free and DW's allergy to Gluten and my subsequent eating Gluten Free with him resulted in some shocking and amazing changes in my own body.  All the details about what and how it's changed me are neither here nor there, but let's just say my body is healing.

My one regret in 2011 is that I stopped taking so many pictures and didn't document the ordinary day-to-day enough.  Conversations between DW and I, dinners with friends, etc.  I plan to fix that in 2012.

So what do I want in 2012?  I honestly don't know.  I'm just along for the ride.