I was talking with the accountant we hired for FitLab and we somehow got on the subject that I was going to Beth Moore's "So Long Insecurity" conference in Atlanta in April. I told her I couldn't wait because I both loved Beth and needed the help! When I said that, she looked at me really surprised and said, "That surprises me that you struggle with insecurity - you don't seem like it at all!" Are you kidding me? I said. I'm by far, my own worst enemy! Usually people are surprised when I tell them how much I struggle with self-doubt and self-esteem...I somehow manage to throw a very different vibe on the outside than what I feel on the inside, although I try to be very transparent.
DW has the "insider" point of view...so he knows what a struggle it is for me and I always welcome his feedback and opinions when there is something I need to work on. Because of that, it didn't surprise or offend me when he came to me to talk through a chapter in a book he's reading (called Success Is Not An Accident) about how detrimental negative self-talk can be and to ask if we could work on some things the book suggests together. He said that he wanted me to do a couple things that I thought a LOT of people, especially women, could benefit from so I thought I'd share:
The biggest hurdle I've had to overcome is knowing that I'm thinking unhealthy. To figure that out, I simply have to ask myself whether I would say that to my very best, most important friendship. For example, when I say to myself out loud or inside something like, "I don't look fit enough to run a business that is a weight loss business...why would anyone listen to me?" I'm supposed to ask myself whether I would say that statement to by best friend...the truth is, I wouldn't EVER say that to someone else - because I wouldn't want to hurt them - but I ALWAYS say things like that to myself.
The second step is when you start having thoughts like that (above) you have to say to yourself: "Cancel...next" as in, I'm cancelling that negative thing I'm telling myself and moving on to something more healthy.
I've always known that I'm not exactly very full of grace toward my own flaws and failures but actually focusing on how much negative I allow into my life has been really eye opening! I'm glad DW thought to share these concepts with me and I'm really trying to do better.
I guess that's all just part of the journey...
11 comments:
Good stuff. I think most women are their own worst enemy sometimes.
I wish I could go in April, but I think it's the same weekend I'm planning Rayna's birthday party.
I do agree that women are always harder on themselves. Hang in there girl I have some insecurity as well. I think most women have some insecurity somewhere.
I am definitely my own worst enemy...how true it is that we often think things about ourselves that we would never say to others or outloud. Way to go DW for bringing that to light!
I also struggle with insecurity.
You want to know where I am the most insecure on a weekly basis -- in Church. Isn't that bizarre? Esp. since I go to a great, loving, urban church.
Most of the time in I'm in Church I have this nagging feeling of "ugh, this outfit makes me look fat." Or "I wish I'd worn different shoes, these are last season." I don't think those thoughts are a coincidence -- I think they are a spirtual attack.
I'm so glad you posted this! I was actually having one of these moments last night where I was really hard on myself because I feel like my body has plateaued- I'm so insecure when it comes to my body and working out. This is a great way to deal with it. Thanks for sharing!
Like you, I'm looking forward to the conference for the same reasons. TC says to me on a daily basis, "How can you be so negative about yourself?" I don't know why, but it's something I've started to pray about. Before he pointed it out to me I didn't see anything wrong with putting myself down-- I wasn't putting ANYONE ELSE down. Just me.
I love this post and I always love your honesty.
Can't wait to see you in Atlanta.
I am so hard on myself. This is something I struggle with and I am surely a work in progress. Great post.
I have struggled for so long with insecurities. And like your DW, my Hubby is so encouraging and reminds me what is important. He (along with God:)) has been working on me for so long now, to stop being so negative about myself... thinking every other girl is prettier than me, that they know more about certain subjects or fashion that I do, fear of rejection. I have to keep being reminded to remember what is important. I've thought of it the same way, I'm not putting anyone else down, just myself but definitely unhealthy. Something that I need to pray about more. and I'll have to cancel... next myself! I am really looking forward to the conference too!
Would you say to me..."that you wished you had a necklace made out of itty-bitty baby hands?" ; ) Can't wait to see you!!! 1 more day!!!
I will be watching Beth Moore along with you--via satellite. (And, actually, based on your recommendation a couple months ago, I am going through the Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed Bible Study she did with Shirer and Arthur--and being TOTALLY rocked! Thanks!)
I really like these ideas--especially to evaluate what I say to myself as if I were saying it to someone else I care about. I guess, in some ways, I have an extreme love-hate relationship with myself. I am self-absorbed and seem to care endlessly about what I am going through, but am also very critical and harsh too...
So, when you cancel the negative thoughts and move onto the next one, how do you make the next one a positive?! Do you just keep canceling until a positive comes along? Like passing in the game of Taboo?? :)
Great post, Amy...thank you so much for this! What a great way to look at it...next time I'm beating myself up with negative thoughts, I will ask myself if I would say that to my best friend.
Thank you!
Praying for you as you walk this journey...please pray for me, too!
blessings,
Kelly
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