D-Day...

My parents got here last night and I began the process of preparing for my surgery...no solid foods after noon the day before (yay, I have an excuse to eat ice cream for dinner) and I had to drink a horrendous concoction of magnesium citrate and begin a course of antibiotics so that I had nothing in my system in case of an accidental knick of the bowels. I've heard that not all surgeons doing this procedure require this, but I'm so thankful that my doctor is taking all precautions, down to the surgical pantyhose to prevent blood clots!

I'm nervous, but I know that God is completely in control. Despite the fact that ovarian failure and early menopause are potential side effects of this surgery, I feel a peace about doing it. This is the second doctor to suggest it due to the severity of my PCOS, my body's non-responsiveness to Clomid, and the risk of injections due to the number of follicles on my ovaries. The first time it was suggested, I didn't feel a peace about doing it...this time, I realize my ovaries aren't working right anyway. So best case, if it works...praise the Lord! If it doesn't, then I've lost nothing.

I'm almost terrified to admit this out loud for fear of having to take it back later, but I really feel good about the future. I truly believe that DW and I are going to have a child of our own...it's just a matter of when God feels the timing is right. Putting aside all fears, negativity, and the desire to never say that out loud for fear of being wrong...I feel it deep in my heart. God created me to be a Mother and every time I look at DW playing with one of our friend's children, the voice deep inside me says, "It will happen...be still."

Easier said than done, but I refuse to give up hope and I will not let my Faith in God's sovereignty be shaken. IF...and I do mean IF...God doesn't bless us with a child of our own, I still see children in our future. Maybe it isn't the way I've planned it my whole life, but if I know God, His plan always ends up better than anything I ever dream up on my own...I just have to trust Him.

Going under...