So I would say that for the most part I'm a fun-loving, playful, fairly free-spirited person...but I'm also an analyzer, over-thinker, give-me-the-facts-or-I'll-keep-freaking-out kinda girl in some areas. To a fault. I don't like waiting and I don't like the unknown. In more than one way, I feel like God has a sense of humor about this because it seems like He always makes me wait! Two current examples: my ongoing wait for a baby and the most pressing thing...wondering if this whole house thing is going to go through.
Well, as I mentioned yesterday...the buyer got the financing and we're six days away from officially closing on our house. Six days from the moment where I can finally sit back and exhale. On top of that stress, I've been transitioning into this new role in sales for a new product...and today Dusty started a new position as well. He's out of town in Boston as we speak for training. My sweet husband was so sure that I'm capable of doing this job that he took an opportunity to change companies so that we wouldn't have to move again in a year or so at the expense of my career. How's that for someone having faith in you? But what all this has added up to is a feeling like I had when I was about five years old and stuck a bobby pin into an electrial outlet. A lit-tle.bit.burned.out.
And then there is blogging...
I love, love, love it...don't get me wrong. It's been a daily (almost) emotional & mental release for me for two years. It's a daily snapshot of my life and the memories DW and I are making. But suddenly I've found myself no longer writing for just the pure enjoyment of it...I'm now measuring my "value" by how many comments I got that day...and that's just freaking ridiculous. I wasn't the popular kid in school necessarily and I don't have to be the popular kid on the blog either! I have loved making these friendships, near and far...love the feedback and encouragement...love to know what's going on in the lives of these friendships. But I've been really tired, run down, semi-sick, and instead of just really, really relaxing at night, I've felt guilty for not commenting on my favorite blogs because what if they forget about me while I'm gone. Seriously, where did this inner sixteen year old come from?
I do this for me. For my marriage because its a constant reminder of the good things...for my Dad who says it makes his coffee taste better in the morning...for my Mom who likes the detailed version of my life rather than just catching up for a minute by phone when we can catch each other.
Gotta get my perspective straight...
Well, as I mentioned yesterday...the buyer got the financing and we're six days away from officially closing on our house. Six days from the moment where I can finally sit back and exhale. On top of that stress, I've been transitioning into this new role in sales for a new product...and today Dusty started a new position as well. He's out of town in Boston as we speak for training. My sweet husband was so sure that I'm capable of doing this job that he took an opportunity to change companies so that we wouldn't have to move again in a year or so at the expense of my career. How's that for someone having faith in you? But what all this has added up to is a feeling like I had when I was about five years old and stuck a bobby pin into an electrial outlet. A lit-tle.bit.burned.out.
And then there is blogging...
I love, love, love it...don't get me wrong. It's been a daily (almost) emotional & mental release for me for two years. It's a daily snapshot of my life and the memories DW and I are making. But suddenly I've found myself no longer writing for just the pure enjoyment of it...I'm now measuring my "value" by how many comments I got that day...and that's just freaking ridiculous. I wasn't the popular kid in school necessarily and I don't have to be the popular kid on the blog either! I have loved making these friendships, near and far...love the feedback and encouragement...love to know what's going on in the lives of these friendships. But I've been really tired, run down, semi-sick, and instead of just really, really relaxing at night, I've felt guilty for not commenting on my favorite blogs because what if they forget about me while I'm gone. Seriously, where did this inner sixteen year old come from?
I do this for me. For my marriage because its a constant reminder of the good things...for my Dad who says it makes his coffee taste better in the morning...for my Mom who likes the detailed version of my life rather than just catching up for a minute by phone when we can catch each other.
Gotta get my perspective straight...
16 comments:
So good to see your comment on my blog. How did you find me? Thanks for dropping by! I love your blog's design. Cute pics in the masthead. I'll have to come visit more often :).
I completely understand about blogging. I sometimes forget that I blog for me and not for anyone else and that the number of comments shouldn't matter (nor should my numbers on google analytics!) I keep chanting to myself - this is for me this is for me this is for me. (It isn't working but a girl can hope!)
I hope you mean that you quit caring about what people say... not quitting blogging!!! I will miss reading about what's going on with you! =)
First, I am so sorry you feel like you are in a "funk" right now because you are by far one of my favorite people out in blog land and I always look forward to hearing from you!Please know that although you are blogging for your ow benefit, there are people out there who value what you have to say!
Second, you are not alone. Sometimes I feel like blogging is a popularity contest too, but at the end of the day I remember that the whole reason for this blog was a release and if no one reads it except Mr. Mojito then that is ok with me.
P.S. I think you're awesome!
Amy~
I have had these same thoughts.
I find myself spending so much time reading all of these things and get caught up in the moment and I take time away from my family!
Stress will make you sick,and you may need to sit back and relax some.
I love reading your blog... but maybe you need to take a break!
Can I tell you that I feel the same way and well said Amy that the focus needs to be our hearts. I am the exact same over analytical way. It drives me insane! Insane! I try to tell myself that comments don't matter too, but we all know it makes one feel good too. You blog whenever you want about whatever you want and we'll love it.
So glad that you are remembering that this blog is for you. The comments are nice but the memories it keeps and the family distances it gaps are great!
I hope that you are able to continue blogging and that it never feels stressful for you! :)
Oh my goodness! You read my mind today.
I was going to write a post tonight about how blogging is starting to stress me out. I want to respond to every comment and if I get lots of comments and can't respond to all of them I feel bad. Then I feel bad because I think that if I don't respond they'll never comment again. Or if I don't keep up with all of my favorite bloggers they'll forget about me.
I totally feel you, Amy!
I love your posts. I comment because you always seem to say something that hits home with me!
You're doing great. Blog as much as you can or as much as you want to!
I love you Amy!! You are so right!! I was thinking about this tonight!! I was in the WalMart checkout and I noticed there was a new People Style Watch out! I was so surprised that I had not noticed it already and then I realized that I had not read any of my mags lately (or done the laundry, vacuumed etc =)) because I spend all of my free time at night checking for comments and making sure I do not forget anyone! I love blogging and I am so happy that I have met such wonderful women such as you, but I can't believe that I have already created a new task for myself, in addition to the million other things going on in this house!!
Well said, and I completely understand, but don't go away =)!!
Thanks for the blog Amy, we all like to receive the comments from others but we must remember it;s not a popularity contest. I began blogging as a way to keep all my friends and family in touch with our family. I blog instead of journaling. This is my journal. There are times when I will print out a piece of my blog and add it to my girls baby books, or into our family book. It's a great way like you said to remind ourselves of the good things. I look forward to reading your blog and hope you continue but only because you ENJOY it and you get JOY from it.
Amy....you are not alone in these feelings. I read some of your comments already, and so many of us feel the same way. It's called balance....balancing work, family, housework, your marriage, and more importantly YOU :)
We LOVE LOVE LOVE hearing about what is going on with you, but don't feel as if you have to take time for us...we will catch up with you and times will slow down.
Praying for you friend...hang in there :)
Definitely didn't mean I'm going to quit blogging b/c let's face it, I'm an addict. But I do have to get off the hamster-wheel for a while!
Thanks for the encouragement, ya'll!
Girl, I fall into the same thing sometime. I think it's clear when I write something that's truly me and truly from my heart and then I write something in order to please someone. I think it's easy to go there, because lets face it, we like being liked! We want acceptance, friendship and connection.
YOu know why I keep coming back to Chapters? Not because Chapters leaves me a guaranteed comment every day. But, because I enjoy what you write. I enjoy what you have to say. And I enjoy your realness. Keep writing for you. You and your words are valuable.
After reading your post and then reading everybody's comments, I am glad that so many people agree with you, because I know I do. Blogging can be stressful! But it doesn't need to be, and I don't want to make it stressful! I just do it to myself.
I always love your posts!
Hi I just found you thru Kristen at Patiently Hurrying.
I can SO relate to this post. I have a sitemeter so I can see that I am getting traffic, like over 100 hits a day, but hardly anyone comments. I was thinking about this the other day and the Lord spoke to me and said, You are looking for attention from man, when it's my attention that's the most important, and you don't even have to do anything special. I was like, AH Thank you Lord!
It's nice to "meet" you :)
TOTALLY know what you mean. You're definitely not alone with this thinking.
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