Recycled Parts...

On Monday night, I dragged into our weekly small group Bible study, struggling with exhaustion and a semi-poor attitude about studying the book of Genesis. We recently moved out of the book of Ruth (which I loved) and when we were choosing our next study, let's put it this way...I kept my opinion to myself. That said, it was one of the more amazing studies I've ever walked away from!

Here's how it works: we pick a portion of scripture - a book of the Bible, a Psalm, a couple select passages - and we walk through them step by step asking ourselves questions like:

Who wrote this?
Who was it written it to?
What was the current environment?
What is the purpose/theme of these verses?
Are there any words or ideas that repeat themselves?
And most importantly, we have learned to ask the question: How is this applicable to my life?

Well, back to last night...

As I mentioned, we are studying Genesis and in my limited Biblical knowledge, I thought the word "Create" simply meant "to make". As I learned on Monday, there are actually 4 versions of the Hebrew word "Create" (stick with me):

1. Bara (said like "Buh-rah") - which means to form from nothing
2. Asah (said like "Ah-sah") - to make from something existing
3. Yatsur (said like "Yat-sir") - to form
4. Kun (said like "Coon") - to establish

Then, after we walked through all of the different meanings of the word "Create", our Bible study leader had us flip over from "When God created..." in Genesis to Psalm 51:10, a passage of the Bible that was written by David. At this point in his life, he had seen Bathsheba on the rooftop and had her brought to him despite the fact that she was married. When she got pregnant with his child, he had her husband sent to the front lines of battle so he would die and David could take Bathsheba as his own and "cover up" what he had done. David is at the point where he is finally "breaking" under the weight of all of his wrongs, so he cries out to God with these words:

10 Create in me a clean heart, O God.
Renew a right spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence,
and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me.

As I learned, in the original language of Hebrew, this particular mention of "create" that David used was the "Bara" version of the word which means "to form from nothing". I sat there with chills as I realized that David was asking that God not use any of his old self or old nature but to change him completely by using new parts. David didn't want any part of his former self, not even recycled parts...he didn't ask God to "asah" or "create from existing", he asked him to "bara" or "create from nothing", to create brand new.

Oh, I have chills now just writing about it again and I sit here wishing that this didn't lose so much impact as I try to translate it from the experience into the written word. All I can tell you is that I'm dying to have all of the parts of myself that are old, displeasing, and ugly...the parts that don't honor God removed and tossed away. I want it replaced with the brand new!

Bara in me a clean heart, Oh Lord...

National Forest Rd

When my parents were in town at the beginning of the month, we met them in Alabama for the afternoon and took them over to one of our favorite spots in the world...Smith Lake just outside of Birmingham. In our opinion, it's one of the best kept secrets in the world because it's the 2nd or 3rd (can't remember) cleanest lake in the entire U.S., just behind Lake Tahoe. While we were there, we went through the Bankhead National Forest, known as "the land of a thousand waterfalls" and found our favorite new camping spot! We plan to spend a lot of time there in the Spring when the weather warms up! In fact, I already caught DW online looking up information on buying kayaks to go with our fishing gear and mountain bikes. :-)

Even with the water down and the trees bare, it is a breath-taking, out-of-the-way spot that makes you feel like no one else in the world exists but you. In fact, when we were taking pictures, we realized we couldn't hear a single noise or car or voice besides our own. Then, as if to complete the fairytale, snowflakes started floating down all around us. DW and I just looked at each other and shook our heads. "Wow!" we said at the exact same time.

As much as the "city girl" in me loves busy and fast and great restaurants and shopping, the "country girl" in me loves putting on a pair of jeans and some old kicks and heading out to get my outdoor fix more! I can't think of anything better than being in your own little corner of the world, listening to the sounds of the wind in the trees, the dogs crashing through the underbrush, and looking up at bright, beautiful stars! I couldn't resist taking a few winter pictures of our "secret spot" and am looking forward to sharing some more pictures of our "great adventures" (as my Dad said) as the seasons change:

The road in through the Bankhead National Forest:

Looking across the camping spot toward the lake:

Coming over the ridge:

View from the picnic bench to the water:

Standing at the picnic bench, you see a cave to your left...

Closeup of the Cave:


...and to your right there are a set of stairs down to the water!

Coming down...

As you come down the stairs, you see the swim dock:

...the view back up at the property if you're standing on the dock.

If you're standing on the swim dock, there are gorgeous rock formations less than 50 feet away if you look over one shoulder...

...and a view out of the cove toward the main part of the lake if you look over the other shoulder.

I can't wait to come back and visit when the water is up and the sun is out! I'm sure we'll be sneaking away from the world quite a bit now that we found this little piece of heaven! Dad and Mom, thanks for being willing to make a few little detours that day...if you hadn't, we would have never found it! Hurry back!

Poster Child

I've been know to overshare according to my mother and DW's favorite thing to tell me is that I sometimes lack a "filter" between my brain and my mouth. So since I'm going to tell you the story anyway, I figured I might let you know that it could fall in that category for some people.

On Tuesday/Thursday mornings, I teach a class at FitLab that is "men only". I affectionately refer to as the "Boys Club" because the guys in it are good friends and all have a great sense of humor. The dynamic of the class really couldn't be better b/c I spend the entire time laughing. One of the guys in class is our friend and client, Daniel, and he's just a pretty all around witty guy. On the first day of class several months ago, after a particularly grueling "zone" on the treadmill, he hopped off and bent over, resting his hands on his knees. I could tell he wasn't feeling so hot, so I asked him if he was ok. He paused and then kinda laughed it off, but said to me: "I'm not sure if I need to throw up...or I need to poop." Whatever the case, the exercise proved to be a little intense and he left for the bathroom to find out. When he came back, I didn't plan on asking but being the friends that we are, I guess, he felt the need to tell me that it wasn't the "throw up" option. Since then, it's been a bit of a joke between us.

Well, after a break from classes for the holidays, the Boy's Club is back at it and they were talking about how their chests were sore from Monday's workout. Ryan, another member of the class was talking about how painful his pecs were to the touch and I said, "That's not pain, that's progress..." They laughed at my lack of sensitivity, but hey, it's my job as a trainer to push you a little harder than you'd push yourself. I mentioned to them that I had a class of almost all beginners and made sure to mention to them after class that if they woke up and "felt a little flu-ish, it wasn't the flu. We'd worked every muscle group and they should just count it as progress."

Daniel laughed and then commented: ...if you feel flu-ish, it's not the flu. Except maybe if you have a runny nose.
Ryan said: if you feel a little flu-ish, it's not the flu. Except maybe if you have a fever. Then he added: "but diarrhea...that could go either way. It could be the flu or it could just be progress, right Daniel?"
I died laughing when Daniel said, "Yea. Yea, diarrhea could definitely just be progress, not the flu. In fact, I'm the poster child for Progress Diarrhea. My name is Daniel and I. have. PD."

Oh, the things I could tell you...I think I could write a book just on the conversations I have with my clients! Ha!

We've Come A Long Way In A Year...

I wish I could explain what this last year has meant to me. It's simultaneously allowed me to experience the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. More highs than lows, but still, it's been a year to remember!

A year ago in November, I lost my sales position (read: salary) and I'd finally had enough. The more I looked through the job postings online, the more I knew that I loathed the idea of going back to "Corporate America". And "Corporate America", truthfully, wasn't looking at me too fondly either with all of my recent job activity. Each time we moved for DW's career, I made the mistake of taking the first thing that came along for the income. Also, my job longevity wasn't looking too appealing to those I was sending out resumes to. There just isn't any good way to get it across on paper who you truly are when they can't see your work ethic or that you're honest or that you don't cut corners. They just saw the paper-me...and paper-me moved a lot. 4 jobs in 4 years. Ouch.

It took weeks of sitting on the couch, searching for jobs, and finding nothing before DW convinced me that I needed to roll the dice, take a risk, and make FitLab happen. We'd been dreaming of opening it "one day" for the last 3 years but I wasn't gutsy enough or confident in myself enough to let go of a decent salary...and risk failure. When DW finally pointed out that these salaried jobs were 1) making me miserable and 2) not working out (EVER!)...I had no choice but to fit all the puzzle pieces together and say, "Hey, God, have you been trying to tell me something?" "Um, yeeeesssss....." I'm pretty sure I heard Him reply because something inside just started feeling like I was finally asking the right questions and, consequently, heading in the right direction.

It wasn't an easy beginning. FitLab started out in a room - at the back of a warehouse - that had been converted into a baseball training facility and athlete training center. Initially, it didn't even have flooring in it and the dust from the construction would cover the treadmills each night. It was literally just four walls and six treadmills, plus our testing equipment.

Four walls and some treadmills started it all...

Our business began to build slowly - a friend sent us a few client references that he thought could benefit from what we did. From there, the information made a name for itself and slowly our clientele started to build. Over time, we realized being in the back of the facility we were currently in just wasn't going to work...it was an out-of-the-way location and made our business seem like an afterthought. We knew we were going to have to find another place to go but then the fear pressed in that retail space is expensive and we really didn't have a enough of a proven business model to sign a long term lease. What in the world were we going to do?

Summer came and FitLab took some time off. We only had one full class then and our clientele, mostly women at the time, had kids that were in school and, at my subtle urging, they decided it would be best to take the time off. It worked out for us because we needed time to figure out what we were going to do without dragging all of them through the transition. In June, I had my surgery on my ovaries, hoping God would use it to heal my body enough that we could get pregnant. That didn't happen and I hit a low point...wondering if this business idea that DW and I had was going to sink and realizing the surgery didn't work the way I/we had hoped. No baby...and still no answers about what to do with the business.

One afternoon, several weeks into the "summer break", I felt like I had prayed and prayed for answers...and had just come to the point where I felt exhausted from all of the wondering and praying. God had heard me, I had no doubt...but what if His answer was no? The walls of our house began to close in on me and I felt really confused because I was sure all of the "signs" had pointed to "yes" when we took the leap. How could we both have misheard...and so clearly? My solution to all things sad or anxious is ice cream so I got off the couch and drove down the street to Chick-fil-a. As I was sitting in the drive thru, I looked over at this bicycle shop I'd passed a 1,000 times and each time I'd passed I'd thought, "I need to go in there and tell them about our services." Besides weight loss, one of our main specialties is sports performance, but either fear or inconvenience always kept me firmly in my car seat, driving on by. This time, though, I decided I need to bite the bullet and just do it. What could it really hurt? There just weren't any more excuses to keep driving by.

I set my ice cream in my cup holder and walked in to the front desk with a business card and a brochure tucked out of sight in my purse. The guy at the desk was about my age and looked like a free-bird cycle shop owner but I wasn't sure just yet. I sucked it up and asked him if he was, indeed, the owner and if he ever sent his athletes for (our kind of) testing. He responded there wasn't anyone around here that did it but they did want that service for their athletes. I felt hope flicker inside of me. When I told him we performed that service - and we were local - he asked for more information and wanted to know where we were located at. My heart sank. We were located somewhere, I explained, but we were looking at options because it just wasn't working. I felt sure that would sound fickle and strange to him and that I'd just shot myself in the foot. Instead, his eyes lit up a little bit and he walked to a door near the front desk and motioned for me to follow. When he opened up the door, I looked into a room that was part work space, part training room...and he asked, "What about in here?" "Here?" I asked, taken aback at the direction the conversation had just taken. "Yea, he says, with a grin. "Here."

For once in my life, I was speechless. I left my house to get ice cream and drive aimlessly, and here I am only moments later, possibly looking the God-given solution in the face. I went back to my car where my ice cream had now melted and I called Dusty. I called our business mentor in Dallas, Mike. And I prayed. A lot. After meeting several more times with Mark and his wife, Holly, the owners of the shop, we finalized a deal to sublease the space. They had a need to lower costs and to have the testing available, we had a need for a place to call "home". It was win-win for everyone.

We immediately got to work, converting the space to work for FitLab. Painting, moving in the treadmills, and getting ready to open when the local schools started back.

The "Original Space"...

When classes started back in August, FitLab had moved and most of our clients came with us. Even losing a few in the transition, DW and I still felt like we were on the right track and that God was opening doors as needed. At the same time, He was also increasing my faith in His ability to care for and provide for our hopes, needs, and our dreams. There was only one area that I still couldn't understand Him yet...because as much as I longed to be a mom and as much as my heart ached for a family, the answer was still a resounding "No". My high was high, but man, was my low low. We cleaned and painted the space, like I mentioned, making it our own...but we left the triathete training pool that Mark used in the training space with the agreement that if we grew, it would come out.

Tucker patrolling (sorry, it's dark but the pool is on the far right):

We started out with no exterior signage, no training flooring, no bathroom...it was a mess. But a good mess. Somehow our clients extended us a lot of grace while we grew and we knew if we just stayed focused and kept doing things the right way the rest would all fall into place.

First, I worked a trade with a local plumber to install a toilet and a shower:

Then, DW and I worked a trade with a friend of ours in the small group from church that was in construction to add our tile floors in the bathroom and help us complete that. He turned out to be an angel in disguise because I could now live in our bathroom. :-) Chris did a meticulous job and I still truly believe we wouldn't be anywhere close to where we are now facility-wise without him.

And it wasn't too long before our clientele grew enough that the pool had to come out:

And flooring had to go in:

Then enough came in to pay for an exterior sign…

...and window vinyls were added to let people driving by know what we do!

I also added mirrors to one part of the space so people could check their exercise "form" and a motivational quote to the other wall so people who didn't want to look at themselves didn't have to...and so those who felt the need to complain could be pointed to the wall quote (by Lou Holtz) that clearly stated my belief:

In case you can’t read it, it says:

Ability is what you're capable of doing.

Motivation determines what you do.

Attitude determines how well you do it.

We still have a few minor changes to make, but all in all I’m really happy with where we are at!

View from front door:

View from my desk:

The classes have now grown from one class to six classes (multiple times per week) and our goal of doing 1-2 tests per week have far been exceeded. Other than one small print advertisement our landlord put out, we haven't done a single paid advertisement, we've just been growing our business one client at a time. It seems for every person we test and design their program, they send us another one. Word of mouth has been our friend...but more than anything I know that this has absolutely been God's provision. I still haven't taken a single paycheck from FitLab so it's been a tight year but worth every. single. sacrifice. I truly feel as if I'm doing what I was made to do. This job uses every single gift God has given me: my love for health and fitness, my desire to help and teach, my need for absolutes (testing), my heart for helping people live healthier, happier lives because they a) feel better and b) like themselves again. I feel like every minute of every day is ministry as well as work...and what better combination could you have?

The battles have been tiring and hard fought and, at times, scary...but the small victories make every second of this journey worth it. In retrospect, I realize that I wouldn't have had the time or energy...and I definitely wouldn't have taken the leap emotionally or financially had I had a little one depending on me at home. As low as those lows were (and still are sometimes) and as strong as my desire for children is, I know God has made me wait because I had a journey to walk that I hadn't walked yet. I had faith to grow that hadn't grown yet. I had a lack of confidence in myself that needed conquering. And more than anything, I had a ministry opportunity that needed to be recognized. Maybe one day He'll still say yes...

It's been a fulfilling year...whether FitLab is a success story this time next year still remains to be seen...but I believe it will be. I don't feel like I've worked a single day in the past year because I love what I do. I can't imagine doing anything else. Hopefully my heart for people and my work ethic will shine through and that, whether people realize it or not, my call to fulfill a greater purpose will draw them in and keep drawing them in.

Oh Lord, thank you for all you have done and all you are going to do...I love you with all of my heart!

Fat Hurts

DW and I are currently training for a 10K in March and we just finished Day 3. About a week ago, we sat down and planned every workout - from runs to weight training - until race day. Then, to ensure our adherance, we printed it, put it on the fridge, and on a daily basis mark a big red "X" through the completed workout. It will definitely make those missed days more obvious and we have one another to keep accountable.

Since we are doing all of our training by heart rate, we are starting out at a local track so the we can run in the same "area" but still run at the right pace based on our particular heart rate zones. Right now, I'm semi-sick with a sinus infection, which all in all isn't that bad but does elevate my heart rate significantly from the sinus meds. I say that only to explain that I have to run much slower than DW at the moment to be training at the right pace - and I tell you that so that so I can tell you this:

A while in to our run earlier this evening, DW came around and "lapped" me. When he did, he made sure to give me a nice slap on my butt on his way by. Not only did it hurt my pride to have him pass me, I got a big ol' slap on my frozen caboose to make sure I was aware of it! ;) Just so you know, I'm a firm believer that fat is more sensitive than muscle. We discovered this when DW and I had a "war" where we twisted eachothers "muffin top". For those of you that don't know, its that lower back fat that sits on the top of your pants, just like the "top" of a muffin. Why we do these things, I have no clue but - trust me - it wasn't pretty: he would twist and I'd scream, I'd grab and twist and he'd yell...the whole time, we are dying laughing...and yet not. I can't remember who caved first - probably me - but now even just a hint that the muffin top might be in danger is enough to stop either of us in our tracks. I now have to enter an additional fact to my "fat-hurts-hypothesis" (based on my slap on the butt out in the wintery cold): frozen fat hurts worse than room temperature fat. I'm just saying.

Day 3 training done...and my butt and my pride are both smarting to prove it!

Amazing What a Little Perspective Can Do...

DW and I just got back from the most amazing lunch date this afternoon. We've been painting the facility, working on the bathroom that debuts in January, and doing our "budget/goal meeting" for next year for FitLab. At one point we looked at one another and said, "Do you realize that if (blank) hadn't happened, then we wouldn't be where we are now?" Each time we mentioned something that the Lord orchestrated along our journey to being business owners, it prompted another memory of something else that had to occur before that and something before that...and so on. All of these somethings that we had NO idea were steadily working us in the direction of where we find ourselves today. The more we talked and the more we realized how many unique puzzle pieces it took coming together to form this picture, the more humbled and amazed we felt. God is an amazing God let me tell you!

How funny (and sad) that it took saying "no more" to this infertility struggle in order to become aware of all the good we've experienced in the last several years. MOST of the things we listed independently seemed like a "trial" at the time. Job losses, moving 4 times in 4 years, selling my favorite car (ever), making a decision to stop spending what we made and begin living according to Dave Ramsey's principles so we could have a better life later...the list could go on. Yet here we are, living out a dream we talked about even before we got married. We dreamed of owning a business that used our talents, gifts, and passion...and was also a "cover" for a ministry into the lives of the people in our community.

It makes me so overjoyed to have come to this realization but also saddened to realize I've wasted so much energy on focusing on the one struggle in an otherwise blessed existence. I've allowed my infertility to blind me to all the good HE has done! It's been less than a week since DW and I decided to take our break and put the focus back on the place(s) it belongs: first and foremost, our trust in God's unique (albeit puzzling) plan, and secondly, on each other. In only a week's time, I've felt this rising up inside of things I've been desperately missing: hope, joy, faith in what's to come when the timing is right.

Oh, how could I have gotten so off track? Why is it that problems we're facing cause us to be so tunnel-visioned? Well...or maybe that's just me. I've always been that way. My mom reminds me that in the second grade I would look at the fourth graders and let it paralyze me. "How will I ever make it through the fourth grade?" I'd ask her, truly afraid of imminent failure. She'd always remind me, "Baby steps, honey...there is a lot that you'll learn along the way." Even now, on the toughest days, God uses her words in my heart to speak to me and uplift my soul: "Baby steps, my child...there is a lot you'll learn along the way."

If any of you is lacking in wisdom, ask God, who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly, and it will be given you. But ask in faith, never doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. (James 1:5-6)

Never doubting? Nope, don't have that down for sure. I have truly let this journey toss me from wave to wave - it has sucked me in and spit me out. Yet, it is my hope that through this I will somehow learn to struggle well, unswerving in my faith though the waves crash all around me.

And Peter answered Him and said, "Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water." So He said, "Come." And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus. But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, "Lord, save me!" And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. Then those who were in the boat came and worshiped Him, saying, "Truly You are the Son of God." Matt 14:22-33

I'm such a Peter...I ask God to help me out of the boat and then I immediately start looking around me at the storm and get afraid. Oh, Lord, will you show me what it truly means to trust you?

Peace...

I look up and before I know it, several days have passed and I'm behind again...I think it's just that time of year! FitLab is on holiday break and DW and I are using the time to finish up the painting and complete our zen-ish bathroom at the facility. As of January 1, we are done with all "investments" for a while and I'll hopefully remember to post a couple pictures!

This weekend we celebrated the life of our friend's mother who passed away from a brain tumor. This past Christmas she went down to Jacksonville to visit her daughter and son-in-law for the holiday and mentioned she had a headache. When she began acting out of character, they took her to the hospital and they found out she had a stage 4 brain tumor. She lost her battle to the tumor a few weeks ago. It puts a unique perspective on life when someone you care about loses a family member. How quickly life as you know it can change: last Christmas she had a headache, this Christmas she's already gone. While my heart aches for this family, the time we spent celebrating Ellen's life made me realize I need to keep careful perspective on what I give my time and energy to.

In the last two months we've had two infertility treatment cycles that were close but no cigar. The "highs" as I hoped this time would finally be the time and the final "low" of having to accept the fact that it wasn't has just left me emotionally exhausted. We have spent so much time, emotional energy, financial investment, and hope on this process. I've found myself getting lost in it. I feel like I'm losing myself, I'm losing my joy...and it's such an unhealthy cycle I've found myself in. I didn't mean to get here and I've tried to be positive and joyful despite circumstances but these last two months just really took it out of me this time. I finally looked at DW last night in the car and said, "I just can't do this again." He listened as I told him that it wasn't just my emotions that couldn't do it...my body is tired as well. The medicine(s) have jerked me from one end of the universe to the other within hours, minutes even, my weight is steadily climbing, my energy levels have dropped. More than all that, I feel like we could use some well-deserved "time off" from the ritual and burden of infertility. Our marriage deserves better than this. It deserves some babying. I've spent so many emotions on this and it hasn't changed one thing. When I finished my thoughts, DW entered in his own two cents but at the end of it all, he quietly said, "I completely agree" and we decided together that the best things we could do for ourselves is to take the next 6 months off from this (seemingly) impossible journey.

It's not so much that I/we can't do it anymore, it's that we won't until we (both) feel fully restored and we figure out what God wants us to do before He grants us the go-ahead. Instead of asking myself, why not now and why not me, I'm going to take a step back and try to use this time to recover and to figure out how the next six months of this new year and new beginning can be used to find myself living in a renewed joy, hope, peace, and happiness. And for each of you, I wish all of these things as well...whatever your current heartache or circumstance may be. Praying for you, sisters.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

A Psalm a Day...

Weather does some strange things to me. Warm, sunny days make me feel bright and happy...cloudy dreary days make me feel, well, cloudy and dreary. Now rainy days...that's a little different story. Even with the clouds, I wouldn't say I'm completely dreary...maybe more introspective is the right word. And then add in the elements of both rain and cold and you might as well just forget about it. Introspective would be waaay too light of a word...it upgrades to somewhat brooding status. Well, that is if "brooding" means my brain is in overdrive.

I find myself there today...the mood fitting the forecasted weather. DW was on the road earlier this afternoon for work and I text him the following: "I'm really struggling right now with how to be hopeful about our future instead of fearful. I'm not sure how to surrender completely to God's timing." Soon after, I get a response from him: "I just read Psalm 25 and it gave me more hope. Love you, Bud!" I reach over to the coffee table, grab my Bible, and begin to read. When I get to Psalm 25:15-17 my heart begins to beat a little bit faster and I feel some of the anxiety in my chest begin to melt away.

My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only he will release my feet from the snare. (v. 15)

I find myself acutely aware of the fact that though my infertility has been the source of many tears and much heartache, it has kept my eyes "ever on the Lord". I've also learned that while medicine is good and has it's place...it's not the sure thing. Doctor after doctor has tried to help us attain pregnancy and time again we've found ourselves in the same place. The good in this struggle with infertility, I've found, is that I will never take for granted the gift it is to decide that you want a family and to be able to have one. I also have a compassion and an understanding of emotions I could have never understood had I not had to walk this road. I hope that one day if - or when - I actually do become pregnant, I'll never forget the agony of longing to be a mother. I hope that God keeps this ache inside clearly burned on my heart so that I can use my story for his glory.

The verse continued:

Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart have multiplied. Free me from my anguish. (v. 16 & 17)

As I read these words earlier and now read them again, I find myself feeling soothed, comforted...God is not a stranger to my heartache. Time after time, month after month He has his reasons for making me wait...and time after time, month after month I find myself asking: When? Days like this I find that one minute I am surrendering these fears and impatient emotions and then, seconds later, I'm right back on the same (negative) train of thought. Over and over I surrender to Him...and I wonder if He ever gets tired of having me push, pull, prod for answers only to shake it off and say seconds later, never mind, I know you've got this under control.

DW, I've learned, is a man with great discernment...one of his many great qualities but definitely one of my favorites. I've often thought that the path I was travelling down was the right one...only to have him ask me to look at it a little differently. There have been times where he has offered this counsel and I quickly saw the error of my ways...but more often than not, I've had to learn the hard way. Apparently, that's something I was born with because my Dad and Mom like to remind me that one of my earliest phrases was "I do it all by myself." Ironic, really. The one thing I crave more than anything in this world is the one thing I can't do by myself. I can't make my body whole...only He can.

Anyway, back to what I was saying about DW: because he so often has great insight, I've learned his wisdom can save me a lot of grief. There have been several times he's told me "I've just got a feeling" and I trust those words. I really think he has a God-given gift of discernment. Often, being the thinker/feeling/hoper/dreamer that I am, I try encourage him to have "the feeling" when I want it to fit my way. Did you get your feeling? I'll ask, hopeful about this or that, and he'll usually smile and say, "Sorry, Bud...not this time." A while ago, he told me that whenever he thinks about our hope for children, his feeling in his gut never tells him the answer is "no", only "not yet." On the worst days, I try to put my faith in God's awesome power, first and foremost, but when I need a little something extra I always try to remind myself that the answer isn't no...

...only not yet.

Ellijay in Repeat

A couple weekends ago, DW and I went on our (now) annual trip to Ellijay, GA, to the Blue Ridge mountains. Last year we came across some pet-friendly cabins and so our dog loving friends, Daniel and Krista, went with us and brought their two pups. I didn't take near as many pictures this year because my camera is broken, but got a few cute ones worth sharing from the trip. We found some great trails, saw beautiful scenery, played some fierce games of monopoly, and mostly just enjoyed letting our dogs go wide open for a few days while we relaxed.

Apparently, we lost our minds and thought it would be a good idea to try to get a picture of all five dogs together since last year we managed to get the four of them to take a pretty cute picture. It took a lot of begging and commanding to "STAY" but we did it. Well, almost...

Dusty trying to make Samson (the baby of the group) stay:

My favorite part of the previous picture is how ticked off Tucker looks in that first picture. He is the oldest of the group and, I think, probably the most human. Tell me, have you ever seen a dog manage to look more annoyed? We finally got everyone to assume the correct positions, except Samson was a little too focused on DW (who was just out of the picture and ready to grab him and put him back in position).

Not perfect but pretty dang commendable!

After we got the dogs all set, DW's inner redneck mentioned that it had been a long time since he had "ridden a tree down". I have had the pleasure of seeing this feat known as "riding a tree down" a few years ago with his best friend from back home...however, I had a pretty good laugh at the faces of Daniel and Krista as they both asked, incredulously, "What the heck is riding a tree down." Well, let me explain:

First, you find some young trees that are strong enough to hold you but pliable enough to bend. Like so:
Then, you find someone who is willing to climb up high enough that the tree starts bending backwards because of your body weight.

"Kid" went first and got up pretty high but wasn't quite sure about the next steps:

...so DW channeled his inner-redneck and said, "Here, let me show you how it's done!"
When he got high enough, he held on with his upper body and let his legs hang back, causing his body weight to allow him to "ride the tree down". Apparently, teens in small towns do things like this for entertainment. Or so DW assures me. Ha! I just have to sit back and enjoy watching a 31 year old man shimmy up a tree.

Samson checking to make sure DW was ok:
Samson didn't recieve the same courtesy from DW however. Although most all labs love the water, Samson does not. He doesn't mind running to the edge and splashing around but he was definitely not interested in going in far enough where he had to swim. Not the case with Cooper and Tucker...so DW thought he would just give Samson a "little help" and then he'd magically love it. I had to bite my tongue when Dusty took Samson out into the water and gave him a little swimming lesson by leaving him out there to swim back.

I about cried as the poor guy swam back to the bank...

...and latched on for dear life!

Good thing the water wasn't deep at all or DW would have been in BIG trouble, mister! Samson was rescued within seconds by the culprit that threw him in and shows no current signs of trauma! ha!

After several days of running, playing, hiking, climbing, and swimming everyone came home tired and happy. Can't wait until next year...and let me just state now...publicly and on record...that we will NOT be adding another family member to the mix this year!!! Well, unless it's a fur-less, two legged one. ;)

Operation Volunteer

Recently, our small group at church decided to pack shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child. What you do is pick an age group (2-4, 5-9, 10-14) and whether you are going to do a box for a boy or girl and then you pack the box with toys, small gifts, and necessities. I enjoyed packing the boxes with our friends but had NO clue how rewarding the experience could be to go to the Operation Christmas Child facility in Atlanta to help "process" boxes.


Everyone had a responsibility at each station...from taking out the money inside the box to pay for shipping, to searching for "inappropriate items", to removing candy that will melt. You might be wondering what kind of inappropriate items people would put into a child's christmas gift, but you'd be surprised what falls into that category. The hardest part was going through some of the boxes that people had carelessly or thoughtlessly packed: a "Devotion for Daddies" book in a 10-14 year old girls box. Really????????

The one that really hit home with me was when they told us we had to remove all camo items: GI Joes, Transformers, even Teddy Bears with camo on them. It didn't occur to me that some of these children live in war-torn countries and that it would be a very negative thing for them to receive.


DW and I stood on opposite sides of the table and collecting the money out of the boxes that were put in the top to cover shipping. Here is what the "processing station" looked like:

Going through the boxes:

DW and I with Ryan and Celeste (thank for inviting us!)

We took the 8-10 p.m. shift and the time passed SO fast!!!

...and boxes like this made my eyes "sweat" a few times!

I can't even begin to express how rewarding that experience was. Both DW and I were exhausted after work and were practically falling asleep on the trip up to the processing center on the 1 hour drive. I admit, I wondered what I had gotten myself into, but all selfish thoughts like that flew out of my head the second I walked through the door and started thinking about what these boxes would mean to a child that this is the ONLY thing they get for Christmas this year. I'm want to try to continue to seek out humbling experiences like this that strength my hope and faith!

If you want to check out whether there is a processing center near you or your church would like to get involved in making the Operation Christmas Child shoeboxes, click here.